WPL Comic Book Club

Hunting

The Broken Horn was an odd experience for me. I went there just to find a client to work for. Then Kerwin announced the need for adventurers. Kerwin sure was creepy, when I first died that was the face I saw. When I swore the oath I finally got my client! Arrah the huntress was in need of some raw strength. Arrows don’t always protect you! So we travelled to where the ogres were said to be. Yea kinda scared of ogres but whatever! The most of us went to the Inn. Arrah and I went hunting. So while we hunted I saw a pile of leaves moving. So I ran up to it and threw my knife into the leaves. Then blood was spilt all over the ground. The blood was crimson red just like the leaves it spilled from. I moved the leaves to reveal…I CAUGHT A RABBIT!!! When I showed Arrah she had already killed a deer. So we went back to the Inn. I gave the deer and rabbit to Rose. She look pretty disgusted by the blood still dripping from the animals. I told her to cook the dear and preserve the rabbit in case we need it later. I ate my portion of the dear and went to sleep. My straw matress smelt like blood. Or was that my blood-stained gloves. I ditched both for the night anyways.


The Broken Horn was an odd experience for me. I went there just to find a client to work for. Then Kerwin announced the need for adventurers. (Who’s Kerwin? You haven’t said who he is.) Kerwin sure was creepy, when I first died that was the face I saw. (Huh? First died? I think more explanation is needed.) When I swore the oath I finally got my client! Arrah the huntress was in need of some raw strength. Arrows don’t always protect you! So we travelled to where the trolls were said to be. Yea kinda scared of trolls but whatever! While most of our group went to the inn, Arrah and I went hunting. When we were hunting I saw a pile of leaves moving so I ran up to it and threw my knife into the leaves. Blood was spilt all over the ground. It was crimson red just like the leaves it spilled from. I moved the leaves to reveal…A RABBIT!!! When I showed Arrah she had already killed a deer. (How did that make your character feel being showed-up like that?) We then went back to the Inn. I gave the deer and rabbit to Rose. She looked pretty disgusted by the blood still dripping from the animals. I told her to cook the deer and preserve the rabbit in case we need it later. I ate my portion of the deer and went to sleep. My straw mattress smelled like blood. Or was that my blood-stained gloves? I ditched both for the night anyways.

Nice job Albert! I can see that you took the time make sure your log was proofread and edited for spelling and grammar. The italicized words are all places where I’ve made edits, mostly minor grammar edits or slight typos. I’ve made a couple comments in brackets where I’m hoping you can add some clarification. You should always be careful of assuming your reader knows more than they actually do. Also, perhaps include who’s perspective this journal or log entry is from? Keep up the good work! :) -OS

Comments

Wow thats grate!

Hunting
 

What’s grate? Don’t forget to spell-check your work, super-friends! ;)

Hunting
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