the morning of the next finally came, everyone (except for like 3 people) showed up at breakfast and talked about what we were going to to for today (last time we learned that a blacksmith knew someone who could help us), we then decided that a trip to the blacksmith would be a good idea.

When we entered the smithy, a strange man approached us and started to speak
“Hello there young warriors, what may i help you with. My name is Ferrum the blacksmith.”
He took a good look at all of us, when he looked at me his eyes started to widen.
“GET OUT OF HERE YOU SNIVELING BEAST, I DO NOT SERVE SNIVELING CYCLOPS!!!”
He then grabbed me by my third arm and threw me out. I could only hear yelling and screaming after that, pure rubbish, who needs information anyway.

After awhile they came out of the smithy, i went up to try and see what i missed but only the half-orc spoke to me. He told me that we were off to see a man called Mr.Hangoff, an elf who might have some info on the Troll and his whereabouts. He also said that we were headed off to the forest because that was where the elf was.

When we arrived at the forest we saw a hut, a huge tree and lots of other trees, me and some others checked out the hut while the rest went to check out the tree(also the half-orc decided to take a nap next to a tree.) We went up to the door and found the door was locked, To open the door i decided to ram it open, but before i could do so the giant triclops looked through the window and told us to stop. He also said that there was no sign of anyone and that there was a fresh chicken on the table. I decided that i shouldn’t stick around or else i might get a mother of all beatings so i decided to join the people who were climbing the tree.

When i started climbing i heard a screaming noise, there was the half-orc stunned at the tree with a knife to his throat. We came to find out what was happening when a figure appeared, a rather tall and skinny fellow with a short yet pointy nose and curled ears. He began talking
“Hello there young adventurers, i am Mr.Hangoff, ranger, wildlife expert and quite the ladies-man if must say, what buiseness do you have here?”
“We need information on the troll” said one of those two humans(they all really look alike to me) “Do you have some information?”
“Of course i do, i am a woodland expert after all.”
After some questions and answers we finally found out the whereabouts of the troll and some potential pointers for defeating him.

I guess that’s everything that happened today.
Kom

So finally the adventure begins. The night at the Inn wasn’t too bad, and it definitely wasn’t the worst place I’ve stayed at, just not the best. The mead was decent and in the morning, a messenger of the king, Erwin or Kerwin or something, came with our first quest. He was pretty annoying, going on and on like that about oaths and whatnot, but eventually he gave us the quest. Apparently, there was a troll or an orc or something terrorizing a town nearby and the king didn’t want to go himself, so he wanted us to go instead. The reward is only 100gp, but whatever, it will be an adventure anyway, right? So I agreed to go, since it sounded fun, and got ready to go.

The others that agreed to go and accepted the quest were some weird scaly guy (probably a 5 or 6), a huntress (6 or 7) and her newly obtained bodyguard (4 or 5, seems to lack brains), a wimpy chick that likes to say ‘ye’ and whatnot (what a freak, right?) (-6), a farmer chick that won’t shut up about how great she is and seems to follow the princess a lot (3 or 4), an old castle guard(anywhere from a 5 to a 7), some woodland elf, apparently a mage (4 or 5), some chick that likes plants (herbs most likely, sounds like a healer) (3 or 4), and a guy that calls himself an assassin, he seems pretty full of himself though (5 or 6). There was also a triclops in the window who accepted too (4 or 5+).

OOC: The way Atara rates people is basically the level of strength overall is suspected of each PC. 0 being the lowest, 10 being the highest, the average decent warrior being 6 or 7. This is all her opinion, so no offense is intended, she has a habit of not really being a people person, especially to humans.

Anyway, so we walked to the next town (urgh) and by the time we arrived, the sun was already setting. We saw what appeared to be two giants and about a hundred sheep. Some wanted to investigate, but night was falling, and in the end, we decided to stay at the inn. I hope it’ll be the the last time I agree with the wimp, Rose.

Anyway, the wimp worked in the kitchen to pay for her stay, and so I told them to put it on her tab too, so now she’s working extra and I get a free stay there. So out came the head cook, Helga (or as she calls herself, ‘Olga) with her giant wooden ladle and dragged the chick into the kitchen. Meanwhile, the huntress and her bodyguard went off the hunt and came back with a rabbit and a deer (or as Helga calls it, Ven’son). I went off to talk to some locals and find out a bit about the troll or whatever was bugging them. The woodsmen did know a bit, and that was useful, but I wish they knew a bit more. By the way, the Inn here makes pretty good mead, for humans, heads up to Holga.

After that, we had some deer soup (Holga: Ven’son!) before going to sleep. Tomorrow, hopefully we’ll find some more information, and maybe slay us some monsters. Most of us will get a good night’s rest, I guess, except the wimp, ‘cause she’ll be working in the kitchen all night. (laughs)

OOC: She refers to each character with a nickname or title. In case you didn’t get it, here’s a list of names she uses: The wimp, the assassin, the farm-girl/farmer chick, the snake-guy/snakeface, the huntress/hunter chick, the bodyguard, the healer, the woodland elf/the elf/elven mage, the guard/castle guard/old dude. You can probably figure out who’s who.

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Wow. Nice work Ryuzaki! I didn’t even bother copying the whole thing because there were so few edits needed.
Things to work on: I noticed you use a double space between your sentences and I switched them all to a single space. Your teacher may have told you to do this, but this is actually an outdated typing rule from the days of mono-spaced typewriters. (Warning, font history lesson ahead!) In those days, letters used mono-spacing, meaning they were always an equal distance apart. The double space helped distinguish a space between sentences from a regular space between words. However, with most modern fonts (with the exception of some like “Courier”, the font used in the Obsidian Editor window), letters are automatically spaced properly and this rule is no longer needed. Since Obsidian portal displays all your saved work in a font called “Georgia”, a non-mono-spaced font, you don’t have to use the double space rule. That being said, if your teacher insists that you use it when writing a paper, follow their rule to ensure you don’t lose grades, but ignore it outside of the classroom. You now know better! Trust me, I’m actually a professional when it comes to this stuff since it’s one of the things I studied in school! ;) -OS

Bonus Fact: The space between letters is actually called “kerning”. The more you know!

Double Bonus Fact: You can get this cool greyed out “quotation text” that I’m using right now by typing "bq). " at the start of a paragraph (make sure to include the space after the period!) or by selecting the text you want changed and then clicking the person with the speech bubble button at the top of the editor window. It’s useful for making OOC comments, etc.

The Broken Horn was an odd experience for me. I went there just to find a client to work for. Then Kerwin announced the need for adventurers. Kerwin sure was creepy, when I first died that was the face I saw. When I swore the oath I finally got my client! Arrah the huntress was in need of some raw strength. Arrows don’t always protect you! So we travelled to where the ogres were said to be. Yea kinda scared of ogres but whatever! The most of us went to the Inn. Arrah and I went hunting. So while we hunted I saw a pile of leaves moving. So I ran up to it and threw my knife into the leaves. Then blood was spilt all over the ground. The blood was crimson red just like the leaves it spilled from. I moved the leaves to reveal…I CAUGHT A RABBIT!!! When I showed Arrah she had already killed a deer. So we went back to the Inn. I gave the deer and rabbit to Rose. She look pretty disgusted by the blood still dripping from the animals. I told her to cook the dear and preserve the rabbit in case we need it later. I ate my portion of the dear and went to sleep. My straw matress smelt like blood. Or was that my blood-stained gloves. I ditched both for the night anyways.

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The Broken Horn was an odd experience for me. I went there just to find a client to work for. Then Kerwin announced the need for adventurers. (Who’s Kerwin? You haven’t said who he is.) Kerwin sure was creepy, when I first died that was the face I saw. (Huh? First died? I think more explanation is needed.) When I swore the oath I finally got my client! Arrah the huntress was in need of some raw strength. Arrows don’t always protect you! So we travelled to where the trolls were said to be. Yea kinda scared of trolls but whatever! While most of our group went to the inn, Arrah and I went hunting. When we were hunting I saw a pile of leaves moving so I ran up to it and threw my knife into the leaves. Blood was spilt all over the ground. It was crimson red just like the leaves it spilled from. I moved the leaves to reveal…A RABBIT!!! When I showed Arrah she had already killed a deer. (How did that make your character feel being showed-up like that?) We then went back to the Inn. I gave the deer and rabbit to Rose. She looked pretty disgusted by the blood still dripping from the animals. I told her to cook the deer and preserve the rabbit in case we need it later. I ate my portion of the deer and went to sleep. My straw mattress smelled like blood. Or was that my blood-stained gloves? I ditched both for the night anyways.

Nice job Albert! I can see that you took the time make sure your log was proofread and edited for spelling and grammar. The italicized words are all places where I’ve made edits, mostly minor grammar edits or slight typos. I’ve made a couple comments in brackets where I’m hoping you can add some clarification. You should always be careful of assuming your reader knows more than they actually do. Also, perhaps include who’s perspective this journal or log entry is from? Keep up the good work! :) -OS

I finally leave Avery Castle and head to the tavern there is a three eyed cyclops in the barn I walk in the tavern i see a elf in the corner, a swordswomen, a guy with a cloak and a guy who is sitting with a girl. I sit at an empty table and order green tea. I can’t go around sayin my name is Lilac Viola because duh I will get caught so i will be Rose shinedown in honor of my mother. The door opens and it’s one of the castles messangers, have they already caught me? He says there is a giant problem and the king needs help, “I will go for the king and his kingdom.” Did i say something wrong why is everybody staring at me. Everyone accepts and we have to walk. I finally get to see what it really looks like instead of looking in books. We get there and it’s already getting late so we decide to rest at the inn. I happy at that. I pay for everyone by cooking in the kitchen. The head chef is named Helga and she is scary but she has some good info. The guy and girl bring in a deer that they want me to cook. Helga asks me if i know what to. “Yeah I my mom taught me.” First break it’s neck so it will die with no pain cut the belly to remove the organs, Helga tells me to fill a bowl of water with a bit of saltand put the organs in it. I skin the deer and put it in the oven. When I look in the salt water bowl the blood is gone, Helga tells me it cuts of the blood and removes it because it her homemade salt it also help with big wounds so you won’t lose blood, this will be useful later. I ask her for a trade some of my medince for some of the salt. She agrees to it, she walks over to the three maids to bring out the food I over hear their names Diamond, Ruby and Emerald. All named after gems, heh. I also over hear about the ax-men having problems with the giants, well there’s a deal to be made . I wash the dishes after dinner then go to bed. The one named ruby with red hair-ironic- wakes me up. She is really pretty and sweet she reminds me of a cherry blossom.

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I finally leave Avery Castle (after doing what?) and head to the tavern. There is a three eyed cyclops in the barn. I walk in the tavern and I see a elf in the corner, a human women with a sword, a guy with a cloak, and a guy who is sitting with a girl. I sit at an empty table and order green tea. I can’t go around saying my name is Lilac Viola because duh, I will get caught so I decide to call myself Rose Shinedown in honor of my mother. The door opens and it’s one of the castle’s messengers—have they already caught me?! He says there is a Troll problem and the King needs help.
“I will go for the King and his kingdom,” I announce.
Did i say something wrong? Why is everybody staring at me?
Everyone accepts and we have to walk. (Walk where?)
I finally get to see what it really looks like instead of looking in books. (What what looks like? Don’t always assume your reader knows what you’re talking about.) We get there and it’s already getting late so we decide to rest at the inn. I happy for that. We’re too poor to afford rooms so I pay for everyone by cooking in the kitchen. The head chef is named Helga and she is scary but she has some good info. The guy and girl bring in a deer that they want me to cook. (Which guy and girl? Can you use their names?) Helga asks me if i know what to.
“Yeah I my mom taught me,” I reply. (Dialogue always goes on a new line.)
First I break it’s neck so it will die with no pain, then cut the belly to remove the organs. (Fun fact, it was already dead. ;) ) Helga then tells me to fill a bowl of water with a bit of saltand put the organs in it. I skin the deer and help Helga cook it. (You wouldn’t use an oven to cook a whole deer. It’s too big.) When I look in the salt water bowl the blood is gone. Helga tells me it clots (??) the blood and removes it because it is her homemade salt. It also helps with big wounds to stop blood loss. I suspect this will be useful later. I ask her for a trade: some of my medicine for some of her salt. She agrees to it, she walks over to the three maids to bring out the food and I over hear their names. Diamonde, Rubie and Esmeralde. All named after gems, heh. I also overhear about some lumberjacks having problems with the giants. Well there’s a deal to be made . I wash the dishes after dinner then go to bed. The one named Rubie with red hair-ironic, wakes me up. She is really pretty and sweet she reminds me of a cherry blossom.

Phew, you got a lot going on in this log! You’ve added a lot of interesting details and I look forward to seeing you continue that.
Things to work on: Be careful of run-on sentences. Don’t be afraid of using a period to break up multiple thoughts into separate sentences. Also, dialogue should always be started on a new line with an indication of who’s speaking it (unless it was made clear in a prior line). Try not to make too many assumptions on what your reader knows. You can confuse them if they have to guess all the time. I’ve added little questions in brackets after sentences that could use a little clarification or added information. Lastly, be careful with punctuation and capitalization. It might seem minor and unimportant, but it’s actually really useful in making things clear and easy to read.
I like how you named the servers! I modified the spelling a little to add a bit more fantasy flair. Don’t be afraid of getting inventive with the spelling or pronunciation of names. This is a fantasy world after all, things can be extra unique! :) -OS

The broken horn inn wasn’t a 5 star hotel but for some strange reason this is where the king chose for the gathering of adventurers. The room i rented smelled of rat scrotum and everything was chipping, moldy or had holes in them, just how Kom liked it. During breakfast i saw potential friends or enemies at the table, a strange scaly man (should probably stay away from him), a sea elf(potential competition), a huntress and her bodyguard( a strange duo but at least they can provide food), a strange girl who talks in Shakespearian English(strange but okay) a farm-girl who seems puts herself above everyone else(potential client) , a retired castle guard(probably pretty handy with a sword), an Elvin mage (great, an ELF),A woman with a talent for herbs(Hm, a healer, perhaps?) and the messenger Kerwin (perfect, one of these dolts). The messenger started to speak saying things like oath this and pledge that and Oh The king is the greatest! we all took the oath(some more reluctant than others), with all of us ready for the task he said that there is an ogre attacking a nearby town and we will be getting a 100 gold reward. Off we went to the town, not knowing what troubles and misadventures awaited us.

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The Broken Horn Inn wasn’t a 5 star hotel but for some strange reason this was the location the king chose for the gathering of adventurers. The room I rented smelled of rat scrotum and everything was chipping, moldy or had holes in them, just how I like it. (Don’t change tenses in the middle of a paragraph) During breakfast I saw potential friends and enemies at the table; (use a colon or semi-colon when starting a list) a strange scaly man (I should probably stay away from him), a sea elf (potential competition), a huntress and her bodyguard (a strange duo but at least they can provide food), a strange girl who talks in Shakespearean English (strange but okay), a farm-girl who seems puts herself above everyone else (a potential client) , a retired castle guard (probably pretty handy with a sword), an Elven mage (great, an ELF), a woman with a talent for herbs (hmm, a healer, perhaps?), and the messenger Kerwin (perfect, one of these dolts). The messenger started to speak, saying things like oath this and pledge that and “Oh the king is the greatest!” We all took the oath (some more reluctant than others). Once all of us were ready for the task, he said that there was an ogre attacking a nearby town and we would get a 100 gold reward for taking care of it. Off we went to the town, not knowing what troubles and misadventures might await us.

Things to work on: Watch your tenses, capitalization, spacing and punctuation. If you start a paragraph using a first person perspective talking in a past tense, make sure you stay consistent in using it through out the whole paragraph. I’ve italicized most of the edits so you can see what I changed. Congrats on making the first log! I look forward to reading more of them. :) – OS